Poogle
From The Rubber Chicken
Please note: there are many dead links in this entry, mostly to forum posts. If and when the TRC forum archives are restored, the links herein will be updated. Some, however, will never return, and will remain as they are for posterity.
Poogle refers to a search engine on The Internet used to find human excrement (or perhaps just images of it). It has existed in two incarnations: a hilarious non-functional joke page by The Rubber Chicken, and a terrifyingly real page by Chad Kallsen, 14. One of these pages may have preceded the other. It is left as an exercise to the reader to determine which.
Poogle became an issue of contention on the TRC forums during the 2004-2005 period, during which time The Rubber Chicken defended itself valiantly against baseless accusations of plagerism.
Contents |
Introduction
The Poogle Saga, began on November 16 2003. As part of The Rubber Chicken's quasi-monthly "Do Something Controvertial Day," a parody of the Google search engine was created, which, via clever letter substitution, was humourously entitled "Poogle." The site was billed as a search engine for images of human excrement, however it did not actually function, simply redirecting all links to the TRC homepage. (A cunning self-deprecating joke in and of itself? YOU DECIDE.) The joke was soon forgotten.
However, on March 31 2004, in the TRC forum, someone calling himself 'Poogle_search' made this post:
I made Poogle, and i just found it on this site a few days ago on google. I own Poogle, and all copyrights to it. I want N-Chicken to remove this page now: http://www.n-chicken.net/dscd/poogle.html Mine is: http://www.cav1.com/poogle/poogle.html
(NOTE: The URL for Poogle Search has since moved to http://www.f-up.net/poogle/poogle.html)
Imediate reaction to this declaration was varied. Alastair responded with helpful statements pointing out that not only could "Poogle" not be considered valid intellectual property, nor could Mr 'Poogle_search' actually own any copyrights in the strictest sense, nor that it would matter if he did since parody is protected under free use, but that TRC had actually created their parody long before he did.
Alastair also pointed out, quite correctly, that unlike TRC's Poogle, the site created by 'Poogle_search' (who subsequently will be referred to by his real name of Chad Kallsen) actually does function as a search engine for human fecal matter. This becomes an important point in all following discussion. (Also note the fact that Kallsen was searching on Google for his own "hilarious" Google parody. This paints a certain picture as to his character.)
It was also at around this point that Ben added a new filter to the forums that replaced any mention of the word 'poo' with the word 'rasputin'. In order to honour his wishes, the rest of this entry will follow the same convention.
Continuation
Kallsen now continued to post repetitive statements of ownership of the Rasputingle "brand", and equally repetitive requests for TRC's Rasputingle to be removed. He also started adding poorly thought-out flames to his repitoire, such as:
"HEY shut up you stupid retarted crackerz! I'd like to see you make a site that anyone gives a shit about. I bet no one gives a shit about anything you do."
and
Are You A Reatrd?
and
*Cough* *Cough* *Nerd*
Kallsen's next attack was the creation a poorly-executed Flash animation insulting The Rubber Chicken (or "N-Chicken" as he insisted on calling it). The animation itself no longer seems to exist online, but Brett described its general sentiment best when he said, "Thats like the Flash equivalent of saying "No, YOU'RE THE BIG Rasputin-Rasputin HEAD! AND YOU SMELL LIKE Rasputin-Rasputin TOO!""
The amusing back-and-forth banter continued for some time. Kallsen continued to make disappointing Flash animations on his 'humorous' website, and continued to be the brunt of many jokes in his confusingly continuous posting on the TRC forums. He insulted the poor presentation of the TRC Rasputingle, apparently unable to grasp that it was intended as a deliberately bad and unfunny joke. He also gave every indication of not understanding the simple fact that the TRC Rasputingle had been created many months before he created his version. Emails bordering on ironic self-parody were sent, and vague and nonsensical legal threats were made. In the meantime, forum administrative powers were used to taunt Kallsen by changing his avatar, title and signature in many varied and humourous ways. It was generally agreed upon that Chad Kallsen, reeking of indignation (or perhaps just rasputin), had ascended to the level of TRC Internet in-joke-ery that only Lee Thomas had previously aspired to.
Kallsen continued to insult people, and with each post his comebacks seemed to become more and more juvenile. Example:
"I can get more girls in one hour then you can get in your entire lifetime. I have friends that all think n-chicken is gay. And parties I go to them all of the time. Your the fucking retard who stays 24/7 on the computer. I bet you have never even had sex before!"
On May 25, Really Cool Guy became the first person to voice the question that was now on everybody's lips: "Um, how old are you?" This was almost immediately followed by Kallsen making clever use of the quote system on the board to make it appear that Alastair had said "I am a frickin' nerd." He followed this up a few posts later by making "humourous" comments about his penis, and the size and frequency of its use, such as the fondly-remembered, "I am using my penis on girls..." Forum members began wondering if he should be banned at this point, but it was decided that he was amusing enough to be allowed to continue in his inane activities. He subsequently surprised everyone by briefly attempting to return to "the original topic", and again requesting TRC's Rasputingle be removed. This lasted less than a page.
Soon after this, Kallsen admitted that he was fourteen (14) years old. Many teased him for his lack of years, but Alastair chided them and noted: "Don't judge Rasputingle by his age. Judge him by his idiocy, godawful website and slightly suspect body odour." (At about this time, some personal details about Chad were published, including his address. Alastair quickly removed these, because TRC does have some standards. When Chad later posted his own link to a page containing such information, however, this was quite rightly considered fair game, and not removed.)
Time went on. And on. And Chad Kallsen continued sporadically posting in the now-lengthy thread, desperately clinging onto the thought that he was somehow going to achieve some manner of victory from the exercise. He continued to claim that he had some sort of copyright to the "concept" of Rasputingle, and that TRC had "stolen" the idea (and indeed, that the idea was worth stealing, and worth wasting one's time defending against being stolen). He proved beyond all reasonable doubt that he had little or no grasp of sarcasm or irony, or the notion of making something of intentionally poor quality as a joke (a subject The Rubber Chicken grasps extremely well, and indeed specialises in). He also seemed to cling to the irrational idea that putting random words into http://www.googlefight.com and posting the results served as some kind of illustration of his superiority. He was, of course made the butt of elaborate pranks, became the subject of a concerned letter addressed to his parents, and his picture (see above) was posted on forums.
Additionally, it was soon conclusively proven that the cav1.com domain where Kallsen's Rasputingle was posted wasn't even registered until three months after TRC's Rasputingle was created. Kallsen responded to this with a clutching-at-straws demand for 'proof', followed by a loud proclamation that he hadn't lost, it was in fact 'a draw'.
On July 13 2004, Chad posted claiming he had "bought a copyright" for Rasputingle. What he had in fact done was register a copyright with the Canadian Copyright Register, though it isn't clear as to how he thought this would help him (as you can't copyright a parody of an already copyrighted piece of material), or why the CCR even accepted such a thing. Please note, however, that the registration information provides his full name, address and contact details, and those of his father. It isn't clear if he paid real-world money for his imaginary copyright, but The Rubber Chicken wishes to make it known that they hope for his sake that he did not.
A few weeks after this, when it was decided that the joke had finally worn thin, Chad Kallsen, the adorable little ragamuffin that he is, was banned from the TRC forums. It was thought, perhaps even hoped, that his like would never be seen again.
He promptly returned, however, blasting all and sundry with an animation featuring the word 'fags', and bearing the witty moniker of 'fuck_u'. He was served with an ultimatum, which summed up everyone's opinion of the situation, and Kallsen was banned again. He continued for a little while trying to register with new names, such as 'nchicken_sucks', and 'usuk', and was quickly banned once more. He sent an email bearing a 'legal threat' (which was copied almost verbatim from one found at http://www.seanbaby.com/news/nike5.htm) about the posting of an image of him taken from his public MSN profile, which was calmly ignored because, really, it was quite stupid.
Resolution
Finally, 8 months and 52 pages after it began, the Rasputingle thread was closed, signaling an end to the saga. It remains to this day a fondly remembered episode in TRC history, and as proof that people should have to sit a mandatory IQ test before being allowed to use The Internet. Chad Kallsen, wherever your fortunes have taken you, The Rubber Chicken salutes you. You taught us so much.
Chad Kallsen can be contacted through http://www.f-up.net/mail/index2.php, or at mofo_chad@hotmail.com. His home address can be found at one of the links posted earlier in this article.
